Stress in Family Life

    What does stress in family life look like? This week we talked about some of the things that can cause stress in families lives. Sometimes these stressors are internal and within the family or sometimes from external sources. Some of the examples we came up with in class for external stressors were things like losing your job, natural disasters, or maybe an economic recession or inflation. These things can really take a toll on your family even when you had no control over them. Some of the internal stressors the book and my class discussed were, losing a child, and drinking or drug abuse in the home. These things can lead to worsening family life or in some cases can bring your family closer together. 

    One thing that really stood out to me in class when we were talking about this topic was that how we think about the problem play a BIG role in how we will experience the problem. I think we have all experienced this idea. An analogy my professor always uses is the rain. When you are having a bad day and you go outside when it's raining, it feels like this is the worst possible thing that could've happened. The rain is going to ruin your hair and it's going to be cold and wet. On the other hand, if you are having a good day and you walk outside to the rain, you are going to dancing in the rain! You might say 'Look how pretty the rain is'. This is a simple example of how our entire mood is changed and it had absolutely nothing to do with the circumstances we are in. 

    I big part of the readings this week was about abuse and its different forms. At least for me, when I think about abuse, I think of a husband beating his wife. This chapter tells us there are many ways someone could be being abused, whether is emotionally, mentally, financially, or physical. It is OFTEN not obvious. I think everyone knows someone or maybe has experience it themselves, that has a parent is being abused. It is very obvious that when spouse abuse occurs it is not just hurting their spouse. The effects it has on the kid's mindset about what a marriage is supposed to look like is skewed. They might think that because dad talks to mom like that then thats how you solved problems. That mindset might not be obvious and a conscious one, but just like anything else, if that's all you know, you are probably going to act that way too.

    It's clear that these things are harmful. They do some damage right there in the moment, but they also have long term consequences. A quote from the book that ties into this is, "Negative consequences of drug abuse do not quickly disappear simple because the parent stops the abuse". There are so many studies that show kids who have experienced abuse or witnessed it in their home are more likely to have behavioral problems, abuse drugs and alcohol themselves, more likely to get divorced in the future, higher rates of anxiety of depression, and are generally unhappy. 

    I want to wrap this up with one final quote from the book. "You can't control all the things that happen in life, but you can control the way you respond to them." It goes on and says that you can't avoid trauma, but you can avoid the long-term consequences. I feel like this tells us that just because you've experienced abuse in one way or another, there is still hope for you. Your life is not screwed because someone hurt you. You do not have to be part of these statistic that I have mentioned.